Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
