I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
