my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
