we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
