Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
