dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
