His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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