So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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