no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
