I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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