so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
