I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Randomize
