he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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