I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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