he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
