Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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