Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
