i need an iv and a liver transplant
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Send help, water and tortillas.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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