I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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