He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
