We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
BRING THE BAGELS
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
