She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
