So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
