I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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