i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
