break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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