he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
