Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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