You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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