The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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