I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
