Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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