dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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