fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
