I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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