You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Randomize
