Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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