Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
