I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
