Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
this just has baby written all over it
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
