Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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