If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
