If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
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