she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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