does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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