gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
MIDGETS
????
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Randomize
