HIV tests are more positive than that guy
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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