never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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