My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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