are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
