I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
