yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
