There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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