Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
